And so, here it is. A General Election looming, and, as always, I have no idea who I would want to vote for. In fact, I'm not sure I entirely trust anybody who absolutely knows where their allegiances lie. What do they know that I don't? Do they get a special newsletter that tells them exactly where the money they pay in taxes is going?
I've always felt a bit stupid when it comes to politics, nodding (but not too much) sagely in pubs as people all around me discuss confidently the problems of modern government, and how there's not much difference in the parties these days (in that case, why the hell is this conversation taking so long?), and who is left of centre, centre of right, or right to be left. I have no idea what anybody's talking about, and I have a sneaking feeling that they don't, either. They're just making it up, surely. It's like those times in school when everyone around you emphatically stated that they knew what sex was. Some of those people still don't know what sex is.
It gets worse when people try to explain what each party is standing for, because that will always come delivered with their own personal agenda, and in any case, they'll start quoting figures and statistics at me, and anything even vaguely mathematical upsets me. My mind starts acting like the end of Raiders Of The Lost Ark, when the guy is wheeling the ark into that big old warehouse, and shutting down all the lights, plunging that room into darkness. That's essentially my brain, when you start talking to me about politics. Coupled with me tunelessly humming a John Williams theme.
It just doesn't make sense to me that one party is basically the 'right' party for this country, and therefore the other party, or parties, are automatically bad. And what I want to see more of, may be the very last thing that you'd want to vote for. But debates and Prime Minister's Questions aren't dealt with in shades of black and white (even when the issue at hand is, at the very basest level, being black or white). Listen to one Minister, and they'll argue very strongly and convincingly about why you should pay higher taxes. But the next Minister will - of course - decry that, and tell you that means that that'll mean less money - less food - for you, your partner, and your children. Dear God, won't somebody think of the children?
People (well, alright, me) need things spelled out a lot more clearly. I don't mind paying out higher taxes for, let's say, medical services I'm not likely ever to use. One hand washes the other, and all that, yeah? But, equally, there are people who - for instance - bemoan having to pay the TV licence fee, on the assumption that they never watch Antiques Roadshow. And that's fair enough. But where do we find out where this can be answered?
There are price comparison websites. There are websites where you can compare how much you're going to pay for your laptop, your car, your car insurance. There is, of course, even a website where you can compare meerkats. But why isn't there a website (one that I've heard of, at least, before doing the most perfunctory of research for this entry) where you can compare political parties?
It would be simple. In fact, it would have to be simple; that's the point - everything in the broadest brushstrokes possible. When you go on one of these websites in order to decide what mobile phone you're going to upgrade to, there's usually a series of columns telling you the main details of exactly what it might be that you're interested in: does it have wifi? does it have a mega pixel camera? does it work in a different country? does it - please God - make and receive telephone calls? Depending on what your needs and interests are, it's a lot easier to decide what phone you want to get. Sometimes you don't want one with all the bells and whistles. And sometimes you're excited to find a phone that genuinely comes with actual bells, and whistles.
Surely it shouldn't be that different when you're looking to upgrade your government? Essentially, it's the same rigmarole - you're thinking about changing your service provider, and your existing one wants you to extend your contract. For as long as possible. And so, they throw in lots of tempting possibilities that might make you consider giving them a second (or third, or fourth, or fifth) chance.
I would like to see a honestly independent advisor, not staffed by meerkats, give me a suggestion as to who I might like to vote for. Rather than a bunch of people in a pub telling me who I should vote for. And that way I might be able to get through this campaign without humming the theme to Indiana Jones.
