Peppa, To Taste

Has it really come to this? Because the BBC has to be seen, at all times, absolutely impartial, it cannot allow the possibility that it has shown preference to one political party over another, it has to make some distinctly odd decisions. All in the name of fairness. If, for instance, it says that the representative of one particular party is a lying, cheating, good for nothing bastard, then it is duty bound to state that, of course, other lying, cheating, good for nothing bastards are available.

This seems mainly due to the general kneejerk, quick to judge hysterical reactions of tabloids like the Daily Mail (other toilet tissues are available), and a desire to keep everyone sweet. After all, if one particular party gets through the iconic door next week, the BBC will find arguing for the licence fee a lot more challenging.

All of which makes it depressingly, crushingly inevitable that children’s favourite Peppa Pig has been banned from attending a public event as part of the Labour party’s campaign trail. Yes, while other political parties have traditionally had to deal with barracking CND protestors, assassination attempts, and uncomfortable questions about sinking departing ships, Gordon Brown and co are apparently mostly concerned about the attentions of an talking swine in a dress. Perhaps they’re worried about losing the Kosher vote.

This is plainly ridiculous – one assumes that Peppa was drafted in to keep the kids amused (if this was the opposition, presumably they’d be the Even Younger Conservatives) while the grown ups got on with the more important business of policy, finance, and calling life-long voters bigots. An absolute ban on Ms Pig (who might not be a feminist, even if she does have a Spare Rib) suggests that the BBC were afraid that an appearance by PP would mean that other children’s characters would have to put in time at the other parties. That in itself isn’t a problem, but it is admittedly a logistical nightmare to decide which characters should align themselves to what party.

Everyone’s favourite one-eyed Nazis, the Daleks, should be a shoo-in for the BNP, while the Clangers would probably want to speak for Nick Clegg (very young, pink, and somewhat incoherent and squeaky when pressed with a direct question), while, sadly for David Cameron, it would be unwise for a children’s character to look like he’s pulling a plastic bag tightly over his head. In the meantime, it will be safe to assume that Peppa Pig has been taken round the back and shot. It just remains to be seen which party will end up bringing home the bacon.